In Defense of Soccer

Ann Coulter recently posted a rather cynical analysis of "soccer", as it is known in the United States, at the Clarion Ledger. I'll be referring it to football throughout this post, since that is for better or worse it's actual name. Full disclosure: I am not actually a fan of football. I do however appreciate it is an almost incomprehensibly big influence in the world and am familiar enough with the phenomenon to reject Ms Coulter's points on their face without terribly much more research.

As someone living outside the United States I found her post to be simultaneously laughable and arrogant, starting with the headline:

Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

 Heady stuff. The column has a strong tinge of xenophobia that is common in her writing and public appearances:

• It's all European like the Metric System, so don't trust it.
• It's followed by immigrants, not real 'muricans, so don't think it belongs here
• There's no chance of serious physical injury, so it's not a sport. Personally I don't expect someone to place themselves in harm's way for my amusement, but perhaps that's just personal taste or a sense of ethics.
• There's no chance of personal humiliation. Two words: Own Goal.

Then there's the whopper: there are no heroes in football.

While Tebow, Vick and Brady might be household names to millions (perhaps hundreds of millions if I'm fair), Pele, Maradona, Beckham, Ronaldo and Zidane are household names for billions. To claim that football has no heroes is laughable.

Here's the most important point: North-American game leagues (NFL, NHL and NBA in particular) are probably the most un-American products one can imagine. The franchise system looks closer to a centrally-planned economy than capitalism, and here's why: In the franchise system, there are a fixed number of teams at the top level. This hardly ever changes, and there is no merit: The only way a city, region or town can get a team into the league is to buy an existing slot, which can only happen if the central politburo approves it.

Association Football clubs and leagues the world over are meritocracies. While slow it is technically possible for talented players, coaches and manager to found a new team in a town and join the local association. Through hard work, success, expansion, planning and patience that team can rise to the next level, and the next, each time advancing on their record, not their money or privileged history. The franchise system looks positively feudal by comparison.

Every year in football leagues around the world, teams battle to retain their place in the league they play, press forward for advancement or find themselves bested by their peers, relegated to the lesser leagues. It's emotional stuff and the fierce loyalty these teams command in their supporters is outright shocking at times, lethal at the worst. This is one of the reasons football is distasteful to me, but it is undeniably part of the fabric of life in places Ms Coulter is unlikely to be able to spell.

Then there's the cup. the Football Association Cup (FA Cup) in the United Kingdom is, for me, the archetype. It has been bringing teams from all levels of professional, semi-professional and amateur football in one national knockout tournament for over 140 years - two years less than the entire game of American Football has existed, let alone organised itself. To understand the phrase Giant Killers is to see the true beauty of the format.

I have not even begun to describe the beauty of "The Beautiful Game" since I am seriously underqualified to do so, and leave that to others.

John Oliver's show Last Week Tonight  recently eviscerated FIFA, the world governing body of football, and for good reason. There are real problems with football, and most organised sports, but Ms Coulter's arguments address none of these. It is so much easily refutable vacuous drivel.